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The Good No – AGCI in Ethiopia

September 22, 2015 By theadoptioncafe 5 Comments

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The Good No is a tough call made by informed people on a heart wrenching issue.  No has the connotation of bad or adversarial, but sometimes No is necessary, right, and good.

In the Christian adoption community, particularly, we hear a no and think we face yet another obstacle from the Enemy we must mow over.  If our social worker suggests an out of birth order placement is unwise, we complain to their superiors or get another social worker entirely.  If a birth country will not prepare a child’s adoption file, we pull every string we can find to be sure the file gets written.  If an agency will not process another adoption for us because of income level or BMI, we slay them in social media and find an agency who will get us waivers.  Some “no’s” are just obstacles, but we have become so primed for a fight at the mention of the word! When a major ethical issue arises we eviscerate the people standing up against the problem, because they are saying no.

A couple of weeks ago I heard about an adoption agency who voluntarily closed their international adoption program in Ethiopia.  Oh my heavens, the negative flying around stunned me.  Folks decrying the loss of money or the millions of poor orphans being left to languish.  We are nothing, dear adoption community, if not dramatic.  Knowing what I know about international adoption and the prevalence of unethical practices, I was curious about the factors leading to All God’s Children International’s decision to end their Ethiopian adoption program.  My research brought me an opportunity to interview Hollen Frazier, President of AGCI, about their work in Ethiopia.

History and Humanitarian Work

AGCI has been facilitating adoptions and doing humanitarian work in Ethiopia for years.  In 2007, they opened the first Hannah’s Hope home for orphans and these facilities continue to be funded and staffed by AGCI.  In addition to the direct care for orphans at Hannah’s Hope, Hollen explained some of the other humanitarian work AGCI did as part of their licensing to facilitate adoptions:

“… we were sponsoring 1200 children to live within their families of origin to go to school. We were paying all the school fees through a sponsorship program….so in addition to those things, when we had a partnership with an orphanage we focused it around improving the facility.  So, going in and putting a kitchen in, or raising funds to do air conditioning, or reimbursing for food and diapers if they showed us receipts of those purchases and then giving those donations directly for those specific areas of care for kids.”

The authentic passion for children reverberated for our whole conversation.  Clearly the people working at AGCI actually care about the best interest of the children.

Independent Verification of Orphan Status

I learned they added a step in their adoption process not used by all adoption agencies.  When they received an adoption file from an orphanage director, they sent their social workers to investigate and independently verify orphan status.  This is particularly important in a non-Hague country because there is not a government entity between the relinquishing family member and the orphanage director, calling accountability into question.  What if that family member is told the child will go get educated and then return to care for them?  By independently verifying orphan status, AGCI worked to maintain their management of ethical adoptions for true orphans.  This did add some time to the adoption process: “…we would then send our social workers to the region where sometimes it would take us two months to investigate the relinquishment of the child.  Average of 30 days, sometimes up to 60.”

In my personal opinion, that is time well-spent.

Shift Toward Orphanage Fees

AGCI began to see some shifts in Ethiopian adoption 3-4 years ago.  They were receiving fewer referrals from orphanage directors.  The reason boiled down to two main factors – the extra lengths AGCI went to for orphan status verification and their refusal to participate in a per child orphanage fee arrangement.  Hollen explained European and U.S. adoption agencies were paying $5,000, $7,000, and even $10,000 in some cases – per child – directly to the orphanage director.  (I found orphanage fees between $1,500 and $6,000 in my research this week.)  Theoretically, this money was to support the orphanage maintenance and child care.  The deplorable conditions in many of the orphanages begs the question, though, where is the money actually going?   As it stands, Hollen said: “You have the US agencies that are paying per child still, you see them getting children between 3 and 6 year olds and some children that are special needs and then older [children].  And the ones that are refusing to do any per child cost, you are seeing those agencies, that used to maybe unite 60 children a year or 90 children a year with families, you are seeing them maybe process one adoption.”

After discussing several other ethical barriers and sources of corruption in the Ethiopian adoption process, I asked Hollen what the tipping point was. Was there a single thing they could look at and say THIS is the reason not to go forward processing adoptions?

“Making agreements with orphanage directors based on a per [child] price…on a child’s head.  You cannot say,  ‘We will give you $5,000 per child.’  We cannot tie money directly to a child and call ourselves ethical.  That is THE thing.  That is the central core of it.”

Still Working in Ethiopia

AGCI has not abandoned their work in Ethiopia.  While they are not processing adoptions, they are developing what I believe is an innovative and effective holistic look at orphan care.  Be on the lookout for their new programs!  Life changing potential is in progress.  They are continuing their standing commitments to orphan care, sponsorships, and micro-grants.  They gave the Good No to unethical adoption, but their influence in the region is not weakened.

Financial Hardship?

One other rumor we are spreading, adoption community, is the idea All God’s Children International stopped facilitating international adoptions in Ethiopia due to financial hardship.  Let’s not joke, there is money to be made in adoption.  Plenty of people have thriving careers and support their families well on salaries from adoption agencies.  Heck, most senior staff in adoption agencies make 2-3 times what my husband earns as a soldier in the U.S. Army.  But beyond all of the overhead, AGCI appears to be doing just fine on the financial front.  I am no forensic accountant, but I have become adept with a tax form and my review of the AGCI records shows they are making some wise business decisions and managing their means well.  Let’s put that rumor to bed and focus on what is important.

Bravo, All God’s Children International.

Thank you for giving unethical adoption the Good No…and continuing to effectively care for “the least of these.”

Blessings,

Ashley

**Editor’s note: Acknowledging no agency is perfect, there are some of you, friends, who may feel hurt by these positive words. Know I understand your pain and offer this with utmost compassion and hope of improving the adoption landscape for those it hurts. Healing is a process, join me.**

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Filed Under: 2015

Writing Books and Drinking Coffee

August 27, 2015 By theadoptioncafe 2 Comments

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Hi friends,

Thought I would share a picture from one of my recent writing afternoons.  I write in many places (mostly my sunroom), but I do enjoy time in a spacious coffee shop with good coffee and delicious oatmeal raisin cookies.  Words flow gently onto the screen in afternoons like these.

You are such a valuable part of my writing, friends.  Your expertise and opinions.  Your experiences.  You are the proprietors of the beautiful, ethical, Jesus-filled adoption stories.  So you are much of the reason I write.  As hard as it is, adoption is good and necessary.  Your kids needed YOU.  I am proud to be part of your community.

More on our story soon…for now, I am going to spend time blog-hopping and reading about your fabulous kids’ first days of school.  What an encouragement!

Blessings,

Ashley

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Filed Under: 2015

Popular: A Line from Josh Duggar’s Sad Reality Life to Ours

August 24, 2015 By theadoptioncafe 2 Comments

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Friends,

The putrid stench retching our stomachs as we read the latest revelation about Josh Duggar disturbs because he was JUST LIKE US.

It stems not from shock, because come on, everyone watching that show knew there was something not quite right about the eldest brother…

…and not from revulsion, because let’s face it, we see more disgusting things on our evening television shows…

…no, that stench of filth in our nostrils is the scent of familiarity.

Oh Josh. What a sad story. My prayers and deep compassion go out to him and his family. Reality television shows tend to ruin families. Until now, my exception has been the Duggars. They are just as chaotic and messed up as the rest of us. An article I read drew a line from the Josh Duggar scandal, through the conservative Christian culture I grew up in, how teens are supposed to dress and kiss dating goodbye, and directly into our lives.   It could go further.

About 15 years ago it became popular within the Christian community to look and behave a certain way. We figured out how the people who seemed to love Jesus looked and behaved. Then, we began to imitate those behaviors honestly believing those behaviors would create the love of Jesus in our hearts. This popularity dictated what we are supposed to wear, what we are supposed to say, how we date, and where we spend our Sundays. Not unique to our teen years, how many of us model our scarves and skinny jeans after the worship leader? This is our culture.

Friends, looking and acting in the popular manner does not create a Jesus-focused life. A Jesus-focused life permeates to influence how we look and act.

We must engage the hearts we are raising more than we engage the hemline. Goodness, we should be talking about generosity and compassion as much as purity. Why? We talk about purity like it looks a certain way, while we talk about compassion like it is a heart issue. Isn’t our contemporary culture destroying the concept of purity? Yes, of course it is. We live in a sinful world. But teaching our girls purity by asking them to be more conscious of their clothes lest they tempt some young man is not making them a better person or a better Christian. After the shame, it is teaching them how to manipulate their culture into thinking they are something they may not be – just like it taught us.

In defense of our parents, they were doing the best they could do. We are adults now and must own this. We focused so hard and so long on looking good we ignored the condition of our hearts. Perhaps not always, but enough. We whitewashed our tombs and gentrified our corpses. As we age we realize any part of our heart not fully surrendered to Jesus stinks of inauthenticity and manipulation.

Because we got good at it, friends.

We followed the rules. We learned we can bend rules (and people) without quite breaking them. We learned to manipulate situations without anyone noticing. We learned how to look good and have a clean reputation.

No one will find out for a while.

But then a Christian neighbor and community leader is caught with a membership to an adulterous website.

A worship leader admits to an affair with a band mate’s wife.

A pastor steps down amid allegations of abuse.

Or all of the sudden, we are trafficking another mother’s baby and calling it international adoption.

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Filed Under: 2015

Books I’m Considering

August 19, 2015 By theadoptioncafe Leave a Comment

Hi friends,

I am an avid reader…particularly in the orphan care genre, but there are simply too many books to read them all!  Here are two books I am considering…have you read them?  Are they “must read” or “read someday” books?  If you have not read them, are you planning to?

Jen Hatmaker – For the Love

(Good review by my friend Aundi over at Bravely Imperfect.)

 

Russell Moore – Onward

 

Cannot wait to hear your thoughts!

Blessings,

Ashley

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Filed Under: Uncategorized

Wading back in to the adoption community

August 17, 2015 By theadoptioncafe 3 Comments

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Hi friends,

Most of you probably did not know I took some time away from The Adoption Cafe.  It was becoming too painful to continue telling our story, answering questions, and filtering judgement.  It was wise to take a breather for a few months.  For a while there, I was not even thinking this blog would be a place for me to share again.  I thought perhaps I would slip away into the silence of night and move on to other things in our life.

But this topic is too important.  These children are worth standing up for.  So I am back.

It feels good to write here.  You are all like family to me.  We have shared experiences, prayed for each other, and even disagreed in some instances.  But one thing I have learned about family…you show up, even when it is uncomfortable, you show up.

I will have lots of new information for you in coming weeks.  There have been developments in our case, so yes of course, I will tell you all about that.  There have also been developments in international adoption.  We will talk about the changes and we will discuss what other changes are necessary.  There has been growth in our personal lives.  I am looking forward to telling you about the emotional roller coaster our failed adoption took us on and where we have landed and, sort of, stabilized.

Friends, if you have pertinent (and kindly phrased) questions or topics you would like to see addressed, leave me a comment or send me an email.  It is a new day at The Adoption Cafe.  Let’s put our heads and hearts together to discover better ways to impact the orphan crisis and protect children.

More soon…

Blessings,

Ashley

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Filed Under: Uncategorized

Living Life Upside Down

February 16, 2015 By theadoptioncafe 6 Comments

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Hello friends,

I hope you are well.

I dearly miss the close knit community of adoption mommas. You are all important to me…though I am not among your ranks now. My heart remains with you as we shared so many experiences.

I am doing well. Dave and I are living in Virginia and learning to love the life God has given us…though it looks so different from the life we planned. We have recently taken a trip to Paris to celebrate our anniversary. It was wonderful! Turns out my high school French stuck. I impressed Dave by having conversations with Parisians on the day we arrived…it is always handy to be able to order pastries at a tiny, off the beaten path bakery. These are memories to be cherished!

Today I stopped by to say hello to you because an interesting article came across my social media screens this morning. It is long, but it asks some good and serious questions about international adoption without being judgmental or really even presenting concrete answers and opinions. It just presents the questions.  It is primarily about Korean adoptees, but addresses China, Guatemala, and Ethiopia as well.  The adoption community was fairly cruel in their responses to this article, as you might imagine. The comment boards lit up with vicious reactions by adoption families who felt defensive as a result of this article. I am not sharing it to hurt anyone, but I do think this is a valuable perspective on an important question. If you read it, I would love to know what you think.

Here is the article: Why a Generation of Adoptees is Returning to South Korea

Here’s a powerful quote:

“How can I weigh the loss of my language and culture against the freedom that America has to offer, the opportunity to have the same rights as a man? How can a person exiled as a child, without a choice, possibly fathom how he would have ‘turned out’ had he stayed in Korea? How many educational opportunities must I mark on my tally sheet before I can say it was worth losing my mother? How can an adoptee weigh her terrible loss against the burden of gratitude she feels she has for her adoptive country and parents?”

As far as the Scott’s are concerned…our adoption nightmare is not yet over.  The Council on Accreditation is still investigating our complaint against Lifeline Children’s Services.  Yes, they said it should take less than 12 months.  Yes, we are at 13.  But we are sticking it out.  I get calls and emails regularly from families hurt by agencies.  Just last month I heard about another family subjected to what may turn out to be a very similar scam to the one we were victims of.  The adoption community needs to be aware.  So we will stay the course.

And we will open the conversation.

Is there a better way?  Are we living life upside down?

Blessings,

Ashley

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Filed Under: 2015, Adoption, Failed Adoption, State Department

The One Year Mark

October 29, 2014 By theadoptioncafe 2 Comments

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Hello friends,

We passed the one year mark.

Last week.

One year since our adoption ended because of fraud.

One year since my journey to motherhood came to a screeching halt.

One year of praying and fighting for ethical adoptions to become the standard.

One year of realizing how big that battle really is…and how great our God is who protects His children.

I know I’ve been quiet for a while. I have missed blogging here regularly, but it has been healthy to take a deep breath.

We are still waiting for the State Department’s investigation of our complaint against Lifeline Children’s Services to be completed. It has been 9 months since our complaint was filed with the Council on Accreditation, but according to the website these investigations can take up to 12 months. We were still a file waiting in line to be delved into last time I spoke with our assigned investigator. So sad.

But what is really shocking is the fact that I regularly receive emails and calls from desperate adoption parents who have been abused, manipulated, and lied to by Lifeline. The stories keep coming. Never in my wildest dreams – nightmares, really – would I have thought the same agency would be doing the same things after a year. More voices are needed, I suppose. More of us must be brave enough to share our wounds with the world so children and families can be protected. Silence only benefits those who work in the shadows…or as the famous Burke quote goes: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

We believe part of the purpose of our failed adoption is to allow us to be a resource and encouragement to other hurting adoption families…just wish they were not hurting because of an adoption agency that claims the name of Jesus.

Keep praying, friends.

Blessings,
Ashley

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Filed Under: 2014, Adoption, State Department

On “Getting Help” and Being Kind

July 7, 2014 By theadoptioncafe 7 Comments

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Hi friends,

The thing is when you step out from the crowd people take shots at you.

I knew this when I chose to tell the truth about our failed adoption. I knew there would be plenty of bad to accompany the good.  I am perfectly fine with that. Even if I wasn’t when fraud was discovered in the files of the boys we were to adopt . . . 6 months later, I am at the very least experienced and equipped to deal with it.

What I am not perfectly fine with is the insinuation that telling my story is somehow an indication of an illness requiring me to ‘seek help’.

I am, honestly, not that fine with women who have never sought to know me personally or even contact me privately expressing their concerns in comments on my blog while, in tandem and from the same internet protocol address, pleading for me to stop telling the truth because telling the truth will somehow damage adoption.

The truth? It sets us free.

FRAUD damages adoption.  Hiding the fraud, excusing the fraud, calling the fraud something more pleasing to the ears, and being complicit with the fraud damages adoption.

If we really believe orphans deserve families and if we truly desire to change the world even for one orphan, in the name of Jesus, we MUST proceed with complete integrity.  This is a high calling and even, I would say, an honor.  We dare not defame the call to adopt for money or status or fear of being called out.

There is a common comment about the difficulty inherent in adoptions; I hear it all the time …  “adoption is hard”.  Adoption IS hard, but so is life.  In this world you will have trouble is what Jesus tells his disciples … this is life.  Hard is okay.  Hard is character building.  Hard is not any reason to excuse or participate in fraud.

My husband returned from his deployment a couple of weeks ago and as I type we have moved to his next assignment.  I should be spending these weeks watching with delight – my husband as a father. I should be just a bit stressed out about school districts and extracurricular activities. I should be struggling with dirty laundry and messy boys and all the challenges of our new family.  I am not because the boys we were matched with for adoption already have a family.  They are not orphans. Their files were fraudulent.  If we would have proceeded with the adoption after discovering fraud, as we were strongly encouraged to do, we would have taken another mother’s children.  What about her?

We hired an adoption agency because of their experience and proven ability with international adoption and their expertise in dealing with the foreign governments.  We hired a Christian agency because we believed it when they said they would hold themselves to the highest standard without compromise.  If you believe I have gone public with our story without contacting the executives of our agency and prayerfully, tearfully pleaded with them to fix this, then you simply have not read enough of my story.

Girls, I hope you are able to go through with your adoptions.  I pray you are able to joyfully endure all of the hard, messy adoption realities.  I hope your children will rise and call you blessed.  In the mean time … let’s be kind to one another. Let’s join arms and hearts and stand for all the worlds children … and their mothers.  Let us in no way condone the misrepresentation of files so that even one mother would wake to discover her children taken from her and their culture in the name of international adoption, and especially Christian international adoption.  Let us stand together and expect the highest integrity from our agencies for all of the children’s sake.  We know they are businesses and have budgets, but let us not be bullied into believing sharing the Gospel excuses unethical behavior.

And about telling the truth … I bet it is something you will teach and even expect of your beautiful children. I imagine you will exhort them to tell the truth even when it is hard .. and unpopular.

Let’s be kind, let us bear one another’s burdens, let us lift high the name of Jesus  . . . even when the truth is hard.

Blessings,
Ashley

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Filed Under: 2014, Adoption, Failed Adoption, Our China Adoption

Small Adoption World

June 12, 2014 By theadoptioncafe 9 Comments

Hi friends,

When we watched the Alabama 13 news report about the Dangers of Overseas Adoptions a few weeks ago there was something that stood out to me.

It was a picture on the wall during Linda White’s interview with Herbie Newell, the Executive Director of Lifeline Children’s Services. The picture was so central to the screen for a while it seemed like an extra participant in the interview.

See what I mean?

small world

After a few seconds, I realized I had seen this picture before…and I was a bit confused about why it was hanging in the Lifeline office. Confused, that is, until I understood the connection…and just how small the adoption world actually is.

This picture is Chuck Johnson’s professional portrait. I was familiar with it because I had seen it on the Council on Accreditation’s website.

chuck johnson

While his primary job is President and CEO of National Council for Adoption, he serves on the Board of Directors for the COA. The COA, if you remember, is the non-profit responsible for adoption agency accreditation under the Hague. They work closely with the State Department and it is the COA who handles complaint investigations. The COA has been handling the investigation of our complaint against Lifeline since we filed it almost five months ago.

Here’s the tricky thing…and the reason this picture ended up in the frame of our news report…Chuck Johnson, board member of the entity responsible to investigate our complaint against Lifeline, is the former Executive Director of Lifeline Children’s Services.

Small world.

Blessings,
Ashley

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Filed Under: 2014, Adoption, Failed Adoption, State Department

Unexpectedly

May 28, 2014 By theadoptioncafe 1 Comment

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Hi friends,

It has been months now. The sadness does not get to me often anymore.

It did today.

Today I missed Emerson and Bennett. The boys we thought we were adopting, not the boys we protected. [Read more…]

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Filed Under: 2014, Adoption, Adventures in Adoption, Failed Adoption, Our China Adoption, Storytelling

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Ashley Scott

Jesus lover, Army wife, professional musician, writer, educator, and ethical adoption advocate.

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