I have been thinking about my experience with motherhood.
Perhaps if God had seen fit to bless us with biological children before this adoption…
Maybe if we had completed a successful adoption first…
Or even if we had gone to China and discovered this heartbreaking reality after we met our sons…
Maybe then I would not be getting this comment so frequently: “Well, you are not a mother, so…”
Beyond the abject cruelty of the statement, I submit to you, dear friends, it is simply untrue.
I believe I was the mother these two boys needed. They needed to be protected from the lies. They needed a mother who was willing to give them up rather than see them betrayed. A mother who would take the wound in her own heart to keep their lives intact.
Scripture tells a story of a mother like this…in 1 Kings 3, as two mothers came before King Solomon.
17 The one woman said, “Oh, my lord, this woman and I live in the same house, and I gave birth to a child while she was in the house. 18 Then on the third day after I gave birth, this woman also gave birth. And we were alone. There was no one else with us in the house; only we two were in the house. 19 And this woman’s son died in the night, because she lay on him. 20 And she arose at midnight and took my son from beside me, while your servant slept, and laid him at her breast, and laid her dead son at my breast. 21 When I rose in the morning to nurse my child, behold, he was dead. But when I looked at him closely in the morning, behold, he was not the child that I had borne.” 22 But the other woman said, “No, the living child is mine, and the dead child is yours.” The first said, “No, the dead child is yours, and the living child is mine.” Thus they spoke before the king.
23 Then the king said, “The one says, ‘This is my son that is alive, and your son is dead’; and the other says, ‘No; but your son is dead, and my son is the living one.’” 24 And the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So a sword was brought before the king. 25 And the king said, “Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one and half to the other.” 26 Then the woman whose son was alive said to the king, because her heart yearned for her son, “Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and by no means put him to death.” But the other said, “He shall be neither mine nor yours; divide him.” 27 Then the king answered and said, “Give the living child to the first woman, and by no means put him to death; she is his mother.”
Every adoption family has their own story. Thankfully most of them do not involve fraud. Most of them do not discover their agency withheld pertinent information about their children. I am truly happy for those families. In our case, though, God had a different plan. He used us to protect these two boys…at least for a few months. Now He is using our story to shed light into the darkness of international adoption and to bring hope to the multitude of families who have been wounded by the practices of adoption agencies.
A sweet friend of mine emailed me this comment: “it strikes me that you were called on to do some of the hard, wrench-your-gut mothering without ever getting to enjoy the fruit.” Her words were like a balm to my broken heart.
God is sovereign and He is active. I do not know what His plan is or was for my months of motherhood. But be clear friends, I would rather be broken in the middle of what God is doing than whole anywhere else.