The thing is when you step out from the crowd people take shots at you.
I knew this when I chose to tell the truth about our failed adoption. I knew there would be plenty of bad to accompany the good. I am perfectly fine with that. Even if I wasn’t when fraud was discovered in the files of the boys we were to adopt . . . 6 months later, I am at the very least experienced and equipped to deal with it.
What I am not perfectly fine with is the insinuation that telling my story is somehow an indication of an illness requiring me to ‘seek help’.
I am, honestly, not that fine with women who have never sought to know me personally or even contact me privately expressing their concerns in comments on my blog while, in tandem and from the same internet protocol address, pleading for me to stop telling the truth because telling the truth will somehow damage adoption.
The truth? It sets us free.
FRAUD damages adoption. Hiding the fraud, excusing the fraud, calling the fraud something more pleasing to the ears, and being complicit with the fraud damages adoption.
If we really believe orphans deserve families and if we truly desire to change the world even for one orphan, in the name of Jesus, we MUST proceed with complete integrity. This is a high calling and even, I would say, an honor. We dare not defame the call to adopt for money or status or fear of being called out.
There is a common comment about the difficulty inherent in adoptions; I hear it all the time … “adoption is hard”. Adoption IS hard, but so is life. In this world you will have trouble is what Jesus tells his disciples … this is life. Hard is okay. Hard is character building. Hard is not any reason to excuse or participate in fraud.
My husband returned from his deployment a couple of weeks ago and as I type we have moved to his next assignment. I should be spending these weeks watching with delight – my husband as a father. I should be just a bit stressed out about school districts and extracurricular activities. I should be struggling with dirty laundry and messy boys and all the challenges of our new family. I am not because the boys we were matched with for adoption already have a family. They are not orphans. Their files were fraudulent. If we would have proceeded with the adoption after discovering fraud, as we were strongly encouraged to do, we would have taken another mother’s children. What about her?
We hired an adoption agency because of their experience and proven ability with international adoption and their expertise in dealing with the foreign governments. We hired a Christian agency because we believed it when they said they would hold themselves to the highest standard without compromise. If you believe I have gone public with our story without contacting the executives of our agency and prayerfully, tearfully pleaded with them to fix this, then you simply have not read enough of my story.
Girls, I hope you are able to go through with your adoptions. I pray you are able to joyfully endure all of the hard, messy adoption realities. I hope your children will rise and call you blessed. In the mean time … let’s be kind to one another. Let’s join arms and hearts and stand for all the worlds children … and their mothers. Let us in no way condone the misrepresentation of files so that even one mother would wake to discover her children taken from her and their culture in the name of international adoption, and especially Christian international adoption. Let us stand together and expect the highest integrity from our agencies for all of the children’s sake. We know they are businesses and have budgets, but let us not be bullied into believing sharing the Gospel excuses unethical behavior.
And about telling the truth … I bet it is something you will teach and even expect of your beautiful children. I imagine you will exhort them to tell the truth even when it is hard .. and unpopular.
Let’s be kind, let us bear one another’s burdens, let us lift high the name of Jesus . . . even when the truth is hard.